15 November 2010

a choice

This past week I was in the middle of running intervals on the treadmill (blech), I know; I was listening to Gungor's He Makes Beautiful Things...I hit this moment where I wanted to quit I just decided not to do so. Then I totally felt the Lord opened my eyes to 3 different things happening around me.

I looked over on the elliptical machine and saw this guy almost dancing on the machine, I recognized him from the day before. It was clear then that he is mentally handicapped. You couldn't miss his movements, they were playful, he was having a blast on that machine! He had the biggest grin on his face and was finding joy in the moment! this made me smile.
I turned back toward the window and saw this older gentleman being led across the parking lot by a young guy. The older man had a cane and clearly needed help. He was taking baby steps, slowly making progress to his destination. I looked closely, they men were laughing. Both sharing a moment; both smiling. this made me smile.
Then I spotted a toddler standing beside a car with his mom, extremely protesting about something! The mom stooped down and gently put her hand on his face, smiled and hugged the tiny. I don't know what words were exchanged but he calmed down and wrapped his arms around her. this made me smile.

the words to Gungor's - HE MAKES BEAUTIFUL THINGS say this ::
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll even find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
you make me new, you are making me new

For me it was a divine moment. It all happened in the span of not even 5 min.
it was life set to music. the obstacles in these people's lives weren't hindering them(in that moment) :: in spite of their circumstances they were all making a choice; not to despair.

the guy on the machine, was choosing life & joy, whether he was aware of it or not. he didn't care who was looking or what they thought. he was in the moment.
the older gentlemen chose laughter in spite of how much assistance he needed, he couldn't do it on his own, and found joy in another's company.
the mom chose patience and self control when clearly should could have lost her cool and demanded what she wanted out of the moment.

So much of mothering or life for that matter, is existing in the moment, paying attention to the choice I make no matter the circumstance. Lately for me, its being self aware enough that I constantly listen to the nudging of the spirit.
This miniature span of time was totally God given for me. Its about that milli-second moment when I make a choice :: not to quit, or choose joy, or laugh instead of feel discouraged, or offer grace, or show self control.

I am grateful.
Now just to pray for strength & wisdom to make the right choice; and grace and forgiveness when I don't!

08 November 2010

sweet friend

Friends are a huge part of our life!
They breath life into us, help us, support us, laugh with us, grieve with us, surround us!!!
Its never been more obvious than in these last few years of being home full time with tinys; friends are key to this mommy's survival. God has been so gracious in our seasons of life to provide those friendships that nudge us closer to Him.
As a parent its really fun(and scary) to watch your child make new friends.
Lillian has had a steadfast friend before she could even roll off a blanket!!

This past weekend 'the bean' came to visit!!
you see part of lillian's heart moved with Elle to Buena Vista, Colorado this past April!

we miss them so much, but are excited for where God has them!!
Lillian talks a lot about how much she misses the bean.

Lillian is very emotinally intuitive for 5 1/2...I am always surprised by how well she verbalizes what's going on in her heart...this past wednesday she was really down.
I asked her why, she said "mommy i just don't feel comfortable at school, I don't have any friends and that just makes me feel so unlovable"
after i picked myself up out off the floor and put my heart back together and tried not to cry
i wrapped my arms around her and told her she was just about the most lovable little girl i've ever known! turns out most of the feeling was exhaustion and that fact that she can't talk at school she has to work and she feels connected to friends by talking!!!

really it was that she didn't know anyone like she knew the bean.
It turned into a really cool conversation about expectations on others to meet our needs and How that's God's job and how he will bring friends into your life in some seasons and take them out for others. {of course this was in 5yr old launguage}

I reassured her that friendships like that don't come in bushels, they are really special
any chance we get to spend time with her is a treat!!

I love the unconditional Elle & Lilli have for one another.
Its a treasure to have a front row seat to their genuine friendship!!

we celebrated Elle's birthday (which was in october) while she was here!
our house was full of giggles & two happy girls!!
we love you bean!!

01 November 2010

fairy ballerina + ferocious tiger + kitty cat

it was a happy halloween!!
this was the first year we've gone trick-or-treating as a family.
we've always had one or two tinys in bed or too little to know the fun they were missing!
we went to a friends house for some chili and trick-or-treating!

lillian our kitty cat!

ferocious tiger liam
who was refering to himself only as 'tiger' by the end of the night
we pulled back in front of our house and he said
'mommy and daddy, tiger has fun, but tiger is sleepy!!'

ferocious tiger with his stripes half gone!

lucy had on a tutu and rainboots and had to have her face painted like the other two!!


"i got candy mommy"


this past week liam was star of the week!
he got to bring home abby the ape!!
they were buds!!

let it be said that the boy was extremely sad when abby had to go back to school!

big stuff

so i would say i was emotionally ready for the start of
preschool for this tiny little man....

well, until he looked at me and said
"i not gonna cry mommy, i a big boy"
i cried the whole way home

he's now been in school for 6 weeks, which is hard to believe!
love this boy :: in all his 'goliath' hair (as he calls it)

seriously mommy :: no more pictures!

26 October 2010

she rode the bus!!

so this was a big step!
Lillian was begging to ride the bus home.
she's one of the first stops so i agreed!!
it hasn't yet made an addition to our permanent school routine::
but she had a BLAST riding!!!

we walked to the bus stop :: liam was my big helper!

tiny was longing for nap time :: can you tell?

when the tinys spotted her they started squealing!!

so i'll pull the mommy card on this one :: revoke it if you'd like
this was one too many adjustments for this mommy.
i know i may be in a bit of denial that she's growing up
but we're hitting a pause on making this our 'normal'

lillian is LOVING kindergarten. she's excelling.
making new friends!!

i have to say one of my favorite things, in this still vulnerable state of childhood, is
picking her up from school :: being her first 'pit-stop' out of that world back into ours!
its also in those first moments in the car she bursts with joy about her day :: good and bad!

so for now, we are holding that 'first moment' captive!

16 October 2010

2010 moxxi christmas cards

2010 moxxi christmas cards
3 collections this year!!

they're ready for order!!!


27 August 2010

big big world

Today Lillian started Kindergarten!!

tucking her in bed last night she says
"I can't sleep mommy, I am just too excited; but I know if I close my eyes morning will come really really fast, how does that happen mommy?"
I love how the stream of consciousness and curiosity never end
and like me she talks in run on sentences!

bedtime is one of my most favorite time with the tinys.
Usually right before we pray they are at their most vulnerable, guards are down, and I get a peek into the richness of their spirit

its been a really cool process in my heart seeing public school really as a mission field. viewing it as a place our children will encounter the world at its best and worst; and our job is to help their hearts navigate life amidst that and be a light!! I am really excited about the nature of Lillian and the tenderness God has gifted her spirit and the quiet confidence she has!!

however...no amount of talk or preparation can ready you for the moment to loosen your grip.
well, for me anyway, i am a tightly gripped mommy!! (smile)
regardless of the bittersweetness in the moment my heart is peaceful in the foundation we've laid in her the last 5 1/2 years! and i stand in His grace and comfort that this is the first of many moments loosening the parenting grip.

a heart in her dress pocket to know where jesus+mommy+daddy are in case she gets sad!

the wonder in these beautiful eyes is so amazing!!!

exchanging a look with daddy!
"i love you daddy, i'm going to school today!!!"

we stopped at a stoplight not far from school and I looked in the rearview mirror; then swallowed really hard there were a million things swirling in my head
...i can't fall apart now..i can't fall apart now..don't cry, not yet, its gonna be ok

...how is she this big? wasn't i just sitting in the floor playing puzzles and rocking her to sleep? wasn't i just wiping her nose and making baby food and listening to her first words?
yup...it just blurred by!

we parked, walked into school and she was giggling, even let out a little squeal skipping down the kindergarten hallway! we hugged about six times and then she gave me 'the look'
the-'its ok right mommy?'-look i choked back tears and blew her a kiss, turned the corner and completely lost all emotional control!! cried all the way to the car!

so now, its 1030, i know she's eating lunch! and i know having an amazing first day..but don't think i won't be counting down these next few hours til dismissal!!!

19 August 2010

2 tweets for tiny!

bIrThdAy GiRl

sweet big sister lillibug
liam :: don't think he ever sat still long enough for a photo

if you know me, you aren't the least bit surprised that these cupcakes have birds on them!
it was my first attempt at making buttercream icing

happy birthday to my tiny
love you foose!

18 August 2010

freshy to fun

you know when i was pregnant with Lillian everyone would say
"hold on tight, it goes by so quickly"
in that moment you 'hear' what is given as wisdom but aren't quite
prepared to heed it as intended :: at least i wasn't

because as a first time mommy i just couldn't wait
for each stage to arrive, to experience the 'firsts'
first time to hold her, first smile, first babble, first roll over, first steps, first 'ma-ma da-da'

but after 3 tinys and and life blurring by my heart is content in the moment :: soaking it up
and...you realize there are still so many firsts to come!

tiny was our most content baby!
slept thru the night at 7 weeks :: 3rd time around this was a gift!
she is so much fun, is our free spirit and has absolutely NO fear!
she's extremely tall for a 2yr old,
like Liam, she's currently in 110% percentile on the growth chart.
its fun to watch God grow her tiny heart and watch who He's made her to be!!

some of my favs of tiny
from freshy to now a fun-filled 2yr old!


tiny right after she was born


lucy 1 week


lucy 3 months


her royal chubbness




tiny 11 months


tiny 1 year


lucy 18months

tiny 2!

you are wonderfully made, tiny!!