06 September 2012

settling in

confession is good for the heart.
it releases all that is so easily held tight.
...like its ours.
ours to control.
ours to fix.
ours to right.

13 days ago we closed on our new house.
sigh. smile.
our prayers were answered in 10 fold in more ways than i have room or time to type.
its was an outpouring and fleshing of Ephesians 3:20 :  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory..

God has placed us in HIS house. to do ministry and life with our neighbors. 
i am so thankful. humbled.

so. how have the last 13 days been?! 
amazing. wonderful. crazy. busy. messy. stressful. exhausting.
i have dual emotions. overwhelmed at the blessing of this house and crazed sense of 'get it all unpacked now no matter what'!!

i am doin good just to feed my kids and walk them to school and get my 'normal' mommy duties done during the day! 

i've been a ball of stress rather than settling into gratitude. 

the enemy has laid land mines during my day 
obviously I am the one choosing to step into the trap. 
im not usually overwhelmed by mess. 
but after 19 months of waiting and praying to be settled and out of the season of transition i have this sense of urgency to settle in as fast as i can. feeling as though it is daily robbing me from something. although its me who is robbing myself of the here and now. why is that so hard?! 

i feel constant stress to have it all fixed and in its place.
its really just sin & selfishness. 

somehow i think i will get to this place where it gets easier. 
hmmmm. thanks just funny to see typed out. 
life just gets busier. commitments just get more.
tinys get older. time is passing! 

since we've moved in i have had a few moments of reflection back over this last year and a half. 
i am dumbfounded with how fast its gone.
but i remember sitting in our old house for sale; not even 5 months ago wondering when it was all gonna change.

the process began; pregnant with a new tiny. two at home and my oldest in kindergarten. 
and here i am 19 months later with one asleep upstairs. a quiet house and one in 2nd grade. 
one in k and one in preschool. 

life is blurring by. 
my heart aches for the passing of time. for the cobwebs of stuff i get trapped in. 

so i am throwing all of my selfish desire aside. 
and slowing down. 
i choose to land my feet on the TRUTH of His word. 
that however precious this home is; it is temporary. 
mess will always exist. 
my contentment isn't to be swayed by circumstance or season. 
my contentment is to be in Jesus. 
the only giver of PEACE. 

may HE have all the Glory.
praise God that I am set free and rescued. 

cheers to the comfort of a God who finds delight in my transparency and brokenness