27 August 2010

big big world

Today Lillian started Kindergarten!!

tucking her in bed last night she says
"I can't sleep mommy, I am just too excited; but I know if I close my eyes morning will come really really fast, how does that happen mommy?"
I love how the stream of consciousness and curiosity never end
and like me she talks in run on sentences!

bedtime is one of my most favorite time with the tinys.
Usually right before we pray they are at their most vulnerable, guards are down, and I get a peek into the richness of their spirit

its been a really cool process in my heart seeing public school really as a mission field. viewing it as a place our children will encounter the world at its best and worst; and our job is to help their hearts navigate life amidst that and be a light!! I am really excited about the nature of Lillian and the tenderness God has gifted her spirit and the quiet confidence she has!!

however...no amount of talk or preparation can ready you for the moment to loosen your grip.
well, for me anyway, i am a tightly gripped mommy!! (smile)
regardless of the bittersweetness in the moment my heart is peaceful in the foundation we've laid in her the last 5 1/2 years! and i stand in His grace and comfort that this is the first of many moments loosening the parenting grip.

a heart in her dress pocket to know where jesus+mommy+daddy are in case she gets sad!

the wonder in these beautiful eyes is so amazing!!!

exchanging a look with daddy!
"i love you daddy, i'm going to school today!!!"

we stopped at a stoplight not far from school and I looked in the rearview mirror; then swallowed really hard there were a million things swirling in my head
...i can't fall apart now..i can't fall apart now..don't cry, not yet, its gonna be ok

...how is she this big? wasn't i just sitting in the floor playing puzzles and rocking her to sleep? wasn't i just wiping her nose and making baby food and listening to her first words?
yup...it just blurred by!

we parked, walked into school and she was giggling, even let out a little squeal skipping down the kindergarten hallway! we hugged about six times and then she gave me 'the look'
the-'its ok right mommy?'-look i choked back tears and blew her a kiss, turned the corner and completely lost all emotional control!! cried all the way to the car!

so now, its 1030, i know she's eating lunch! and i know having an amazing first day..but don't think i won't be counting down these next few hours til dismissal!!!


Emily said...

Precious post, sweet friend. I'm fighting back MY tears, so I can't imagine how yours were. Love you...

Elizabeth said...

tears here too...thanks for this precious glimpse into this monumental day as a mommy...i know my lucy will be there in no time...reminds me to cherish this tiny time...