aren't all moments of life worthy of HIS worship?!
not just the sweet, life giving ones. but
the hard ones.
the transcendent ones.
the silent ones.
the ones in community.
the lonely ones.
the waiting ones.
the blessed ones.
the desert ones.
the equipping ones.
i have been reading this book 1000 gifts by Ann Voskamp :: i don't know where to start with the anointing of this book. in a nutshell, its that all moments are HIS, that 'all is grace', and deserves a spirit of thankfulness from us; to a God who is present, in control and deeply desires an audience with us.
that out of all of life's moments, we are to have a posture of thankfulness, Ann calls it Eucharisteo.
and ALL, means all.
that we are to approach the day, each moment with a spirit of thankfulness.
without selfish ambition.
that we are to accept what HE gives, in THAT VERY MOMENT, and offer thanks.
we are to die to self. die to expectations. um, hello....
this is such a challenge for me.
i figure i am not alone that it requires the transcendent grace of jesus to offer thanks in all moments, and die to what i expected it would look like, or be.
for us in this season ::
waiting on a house to sell.
a baby to arrive.
when the laundry is piled beside my bed, for days.
when the sink is full of dirty dishes.
tinys are screaming.
or spitting. or throwing toys. or drawing on my couch. or complaining about dinner.
or sticking out their tongue.
or my phone rings for another showing in the midst of ALL this going on.
to offer thanks for every part of it.
its not often that in my extreme God given personality i have room for GRACE for much.
or patience for that matter. I love that God has made me passionate and with ferocity for just about everything in my life. my emotions are transparent. i have always have had difficulty masking my true feelings for things. but he allows me to fall flat on my face in all my selfish ambition so that i can truly sit at the foot of the cross, fully surrendered, understanding that its Him who deserves my passion and fierce-ness. its His timing i am to be patient for. its His grace that covers me.
but like most, I have a tendency to loose perspective. react emotionally. respond from that heart i wear on my sleeve. not to mention the hormonal-train-wreck-like status of my mental state. we'll blame that part of the baby my body is harboring.
there have been so many moments over the last 9+ months that God has revealed Himself . i have read books. had quiet moments. divine appointments
i am so comforted that it is all orchestrated by Him.
that i can release the notion and lie that i was ever in control and rest.
in my study time, God has continued to bring me back to the story of the Israelites in the Wilderness Moses crying out to God. and God hears him and rains down manna.
For the first 6 days, they were only to gather what they needed, no more.
they weren't to hoard.
no planning ahead
no prepping for the following day
i am not really planner. i am a bit more spontaneous.
doesn't mean i don't love routine. sometimes routine gives peace.
but i love the free-flow of life. i love suprises. things unexpected.
i find more peace there than in the predictability of things.
however : when i comes to surrendering the EXPECTATIONS of what I WOULD like to happen or think should happen that is a different story. i become an emotional 'hoarder'.
i want things to work out they way I think is best.
so this is where the manna comes back to my season of life. . .
i truly believe the waiting. the silence. the wonder of the pause of movement in our life has NOT been by mistake. the fruit of truly understanding what it looks like to approach the throne unselfishly, with no more than a desire to offer thanks and worship.
to praise for the silent 'pregnant' pause.
to accept only what God offers in THIS moment. nothing more.
to offer praise that only HE knows the timing of our house selling.
that the fruit of our heart has far greater value than our physical dwelling or destination.
i understand His manna for me.
its to wholly trust, offer thanks and rest in each moment.
the sweet ones, and tough ones.
its been to let go of my desire to have an answer.
to offer thanks for not answering.
to praise the showing after showing after showing that comes back NO, because it gives us another opportunity to trust His timing.
its now to trust His timing in the arrival of our new tiny.
if i truly turst Him, then I am peaceful.
I am capable of patience.
I am capable of grace.
I am capable of offering thanks :: with no strings attached.
and I am capable only because of Christ.
so, we wait.
we wait for baby. we wait for his timing.
and in the meantime.
i am thankful. for another moment to offer my thanks for His manna.