big day

i seriously LOVE this quote about parenting ::
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body" - Elizabeth Stone

Never is this more true than the morning of Kindergarten drop off.
I wish I could say that with the second child it's easier.
NOPE.
It's almost worse.
Cause they don't know what they're walking into....but you do.

As believers, there is never a more trusting moment and illustration that we are not in control than the slow release of children as they go off to school.

there were moments this summer, even yesterday that I longed for quiet and uninterrupted silence in the middle of meltdowns and chaos of ::
'she took my train'
'he pulled my hair'
 'give it back'
'i don't want to eat this'
'you're not my mommy anymore' : a favorite saying of tiny #3.

i even had a meltdown and sobbed after loading them in the car headed to the pool.
i was having pangs of guilt for wanting to run to the nearest forest and hide
and overwhelmed with how fast its going.

so while i still will referee and fix and mend and wipe and hold.
mothering is changing around me.
a sweet reminder that they're borrowed.
i am stewarding a gift.
and those annoying moments where i want to run are supposed to be teaching moments.
we get it right..some of the time.

today.
Liam starts Kindergarten.
Lillian starts Second Grade.

God's timing has blessed my tinys by allowing us to have closure last year and start a new school year here in Fort Mill. Lillian has more awareness of this than Liam. He's just excited about a new school-neighborhood buddy!

we're soaking it in : cause its blurring by
we walk to school . another amazing blessing.
it was a great chance for us to have some sweet out of our environment moments and prepare their hearts for the day.

i held it together after dropping Liam off until I spotted a friend in tears.
i squeeze Lillian's hand.
took a deep breath.
i can do this.
the letting go.
the growing up part.
its part of it.
it will always be hard.

hope

well, i've taken a nice 5 month hiatus from blogging.
one word : stress

this last year-plus has been such a sweet rich tough place of trust and waiting for us.
when you walk through seasons of wait time warps.
not to mention we've had a baby in this last year.
so is there such a thing as double-warp; cause i've been in it!!!

the next 10 days will bring to fruition something we've prayed for...for almost 536 days!
yah, right. that's insane.

on the morning of august 14th we will close on our spruell street home
officially handing it over to its new wonderful owners!

the other half of the story is still being woven together.
and no shortage of GOD in every small minuscule detail!

in late april we walked through a home on m. lane, in fort mill to rent.
we'd find out two weeks later if it was available.
i left devastated and discouraged.
having loved the house and longing for a close on the season of wait.
my sweet husband looked me in the eyes and said "trust"

10 days later :  we received an offer on our spruell street home.
we'd been on the market 14 months.
within an hour we had an email about a rental in fort mill. smack in the middle of the area we'd been praying for God to land us.

we called the m. lane owner; they had an offer as well.
so we signed a 4 month lease til sept 30th on a 3bdrm townhouse.
prayed God would make it clear where we needed to be by July 30th; so we were able to give our 60day notice.

i woke up on a sunday morning in late may as we were packing boxes and felt this urge to call the m. lane owner. she answered laughing saying she'd been looking for my name in her phone for days . . the offer had fallen thru, and were we still interested in renting?! i explained we were already committed.
hubs looked at me and said 'trust'

we made the move the first weekend in June to the townhouse.
half our stuff in storage.
i cried myself to sleep the first 3 nights we were here.
from exaustion. from the season of wondering & wait.

its been a fun summer of rubbing elbows with each other in a small space.
somehow i find all 4 tinys in my personal space more times than i can count each day!
tiny feet stepping on mine. raising my blood pressure.

the 3 big tinys share a bedroom. london shares a room with andy's desk.
where he works if she's not asleep.
BUT
we walk to the pool.
we walk to the gym.
we walk to the playground.
we walk to starbucks. its rough. (smile)

mid june. my phone rang. it was m. lane owner. they were selling the house. and it was a short sale.
were we interested. my heart stopped.
i scrambled. i cried. i stressed.
hubs grabbed my face and said 'trust'

on a hot afternoon in late june. with no ac. we walked around m. lane house.
youngest tiny was in a stroller; needing a diaper change, smelling up the living room.
3 big tinys were running circles in an empty. stale 97 degree house. screaming.
as the sign was going in the yard. we were signing an offer.

mid july.
i registered the 2 biggest tinys for school.
there are freezes on most fort mill schools.
their placement, wasn't up to us.
i laughed. like this entire season. i have come to wash my hands of worry. and trust.
trust that they would be placed in the school & classroom where they were supposed to be.

thursday july 19. we got a phone call.
the bank accepted our offer!!!!
i cried. laughed and still get chills thinking about it.

on july 28th
we gave our 60 day notice on leaving the townhouse.

today : august 4th
we got the two big tinys school assignments in the mail.
and our last mortgage statement for spruell street.
i am peaceful. thankful. overwhelmed with how detailed and precise God is.

the details on the m.lane house are still in the works.

we are headed towards a close sometime late this month or in early september. 

there is cause for worry. stress. tears. anxiety. 

it could still even fall apart.

but thankfully : i have walked a season where i know better.
and even on my best day couldn't have knit this provision together for the people i love most.
instead, i choose to trust.

trust a God's who so richly deserves every bit of accolade for this journey.
in my heart & in the life of my sweet family!

xoxox

tiny#4 at 4months

so i've realized that instagram has caused me to lapse in my blogging....

and maybe i can temporarily blame it on the house still being for sale and juggling 4 tinys. 

with an amazing iphone camera; sadly i don't get out my 'real' camera as much....mental note to do this more. London is now 6 months old..so these are a couple months ago. 

since then, she continues to retain her royal chubbness! 

she is rolling across the living room floor one side to the other. 

babbling. teething. all things baby. but is a sweet joy of a tiny. 

i have realized lately with such a crazy wild hectic schedule of early morning workouts, showings and shuffling tinys that this baby brings joy and calm into our mess!

all tinys have been laid back until they turn 3; but this one is extra chill. 

she joins us at the dinner table now....3 big tinys were laughing about something the other night..and she joined right in!!

my sweet tiny London!

my so called 'instagram' life

so a couple posts ago i admitted i had a problem. . . . with instagram.
i take on average 9 photos a day..sometimes more. if you follow me on instagram you're annoyed.
but i don't take them for you. i take them for me.
i explained it in this post. but today i am struck by how it catalogs my day with my tinys.

today was a tough one.
i have anticipated it for a few weeks.
i don't love being alone.
its not a place i tend to choose to be.
i do enjoy it a little more in this season of life just due to the chaos and noise around me most of the day. but its not something i seek out.

andy left insanely early this morning for a leadership conference for several days.
its my first time really juggling multiple days & evenings without assistance since we added a tiny.

i . am . beat .

today included lots of meals, snacks, bottles & diapers (business as usual)
a dr appt for 2, again
4 total school drop offs & pickups
1 venti starbucks
3 breathing treatments for youngest tiny on the mend from rsv
mommy finally eating lunch at 3pm
homework & spelling words
puzzles
playground time
2 trips to target
1 devotional
1 frozen pizza
unattended laundry (nothing new)
piles of dishes (again, more of the same)

tomorrow is much of the same, minus a preschool drop off and pick up - - add trader joes run!
think we'll be layin low. still boycotting laundry & dishes and saying yes to pajamas and coffee!!

but back to really why i started this post.
what i realized as i scrolled back through today's photos.

i remember Lucy asking "Mommy, is the sky dripping?" as she felt a raindrop

i remember the warmth of the coffee in my hand and the steam hitting my face, a sweet reminder that i was sipping reward, and i could make it through the day

i remember Lucy naming our lady bug 'Trudy' and petting it, until it crawled up the arm of her jacket and she screamed...i laughed, she scowled, i apologized cause she thought i was making fun of her.

i remember my chubby faced baby smiling even though she didn't feel great.

i remember how my day started with 3 curly head at my breakfast table and Lillian squealing because she was about to loose a tooth...

we romped on the playground..well, they did, i froze, london screamed.
but i loved watching them play with each other.

and the pay phone....walking out of target...for the 2nd time. Liam says "what's that, mommy?"
having to explain to my children that the world hasn't always had iphones.

so around our dinner table tonight we talking about our favorite part of the day.
lillian's was loosing her tooth,
lucy's was going to target with me and london and back with all tinys + mommy
liam's was the playground and sword fighting
mine, listening to them intently listen to one another....and starbucks

we had a discussion about the tooth fairy.
who she is, how long she has til she pays up, her creepy hands (weird, not sure where they got that), that she probably lives in antarctica, but liam said she's moving here soon. how much money she brings and if her wings are sharp.

lately after prayers, hugs, kisses and our devotion on my way down the stairs i get a 'happy holidays'
i laugh every time.

i will miss the crazy some day. i actually secretly love the constant motion we make.
there are plenty of moments of apologies and bad attitudes and mending hearts for rude, bad, selfish, impatient behavior and melt downs on ALL our parts. but.....
thanks to instagram i've caught split second moments within the wonderful mess of our everyday life!

i.am.so.thankful.

3 months

our freshest tiny has just crossed the 3 month mark! i am in disbelief and already grieving how fast its going. i love having a fresh one in my arms. it never gets old. my cup is full. i am grateful and content.
but i think i could have 10 more babies and pretty much feel the same. i love this season.

our first 8 weeks :: rough.  they were equally sweet and amazing. but mostly survival mode.
many people say 'oh, going from 3 to 4 is nothing' well . . . yes it's something.
there is a certain amount of chaos, noise and wildness that with 3 you're used to, so #4 just falls right in. but its another human who has needs and a baby, who's needs don't really wait for much.

there were more meltdowns and emotional crisis than this tired mommy felt equipped to deal with.
sitting and feeding a newborn with trains crashing down the stairs and toy buckets being dumped out and my phone ringing for showings wasn't exactly relaxing.
i bounced back and forth from feeling guilty i was spending hours feeding a baby to feeling overwhelmed that i couldn't meet the needs of my other tinys. i know the feeling. i have had it 2 other times, with the addition of Liam & Lucy. and the only things that begin to make it better are time and sleep, and lots of grace. somehow the grace thing isn't something i come by very easily.

so i feel as though the baby fog is lifting. sleep has returned, mostly, and our days have their normal 'rhythum' to them again. whew. i feel like i am present and accounted for. . until she starts teething or hits the next growth spurt!!

i was given a new camera lens for christmas!! so post bath today London and I decided it was time to break it in properly!!

 the lip : finally captured on camera!

another post coming later this week, tied to camp tiny & my new daily prayer rhythms!!!

warm fuzzies

one word :: instagram. 

hello, my name is mommy, and i'm addicted. 

not sure who said it, but they were right; the best camera you have is the one on you. 

i have so many crazy moments throughout the day. 

moments filled with giggles and sweet fresh tiny smiles, but more moments filled with drama, meltdowns, spills, bumps, reconciliation, tears, puzzles, piles of mess, dishes, ignored laundry, tiny plastic dinosaurs, trains, scrambled eggs, 2nd breakfast, dried playdough, and on.

so i pay homage to the most wonderful free iphone app that has granted me this sweet window into my world of tinys . and on those days when i feel like i just might not make it past the 430pm meltdown, i have instagram. go ahead, judge me....

i have a way to look back at sweet grace-filled full-of-life moments caught in a split second.

it reminds me that, the crazy passes, the meltdowns mend, the mess will always exist, but its ok to just soak it in!

and don't we always look back on photos with nostalgia, with warm fuzzies about how sweet it was?

so i am banking on not remembering the crazy straight-jacket moments and am excited that i have hundreds of warm fuzzy moments amidst the chaos!!!

back in november we took a saturday and had a day campout! 

complete with a hammock, marshmallows, hot chocolate, cheetos & hotdogs! sounds healthy. 

we've decided it has to be a new tradition. the tinys : had a blast. 

 daddy teaching fire building skills!!!

 this fresh one was just barely 3 weeks : bundled up!

a still moment. this was minutes after one tiny got kicked in the face from wrestling in the hammock.

a quad

 “The prayers we weave into the matching of socks, the stirring of oatmeal, the reading of stories, they survive fire.”― Ann Voskamp

I love the truth of this quote.

A promise for steadfastness in the mundane.

Being a mom is quite possibly the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.

I don’t have patience; I continue to learn patience thru parenting four tinys.

Every tiny meltdown or crazy mess is an opportunity for me to show self-control; and I don’t always make the most of that.

Every loss of self control is a chance to apologize, confess and talk about how even my own sin.

Every tiny lie and bad attitude is a chance for me to extend discipline in love; mend with the fruit of the spirit.

Being a mom is quite possibly the BEST thing I’ve ever done; and I am grateful that God has used parenting as a tool to show me how desperately I need HIM!! It’s a beautiful mess!

I love the pause that the arrival of a newborn brings.

even within the chaos of three other tinys.

I don’t have a problem saying no to things that come across our calendar; there is extra grace in drawing our family inward. and maybe its not really the grace of others as much its the freedom we give ourselves to not do it all. . . or maybe that’s just me. ….

I don’t have sadness over being semi hermit-like.

the mess I am already comfortable with just gets messy-er and I don’t care . . I just want to sit and hold a baby, and sleep, but holding a baby.

I really love the slow pace of it just being us. I believe its really how family is intended to live . . . unharried. unfrazzled. focused on growing. I mean we’re also focused on not going crazy. the adjustment of a new baby has manifested itself different in each tiny.

we had our first family dinner out last night:: chick-fil-a

we conveniently chose the booth next to the playroom so Andy and I could actually make eye contact and share a few words . .

so :: I finally have some shots of my 4 tinys together!!

Here’s another truth from Ann Voskamp

I love this !!

“The state of my space doesn’t mirror the state of my soul and Christ Himself was born in a barn.”

gives me that extra bit of freedom to love on tinys and leave the mess!! someday . . my house will be clean again and tiny toys will be off my floor and a part of me will be sad.