worthy of HIS worship

aren't all moments of life worthy of HIS worship?!

not just the sweet, life giving ones. but

the hard ones.
the transcendent ones.
the silent ones.
the ones in community.
the lonely ones.
the waiting ones.
the blessed ones.
the desert ones.
the equipping ones.

i have been reading this book 1000 gifts by Ann Voskamp :: i don't know where to start with the anointing of this book. in a nutshell, its that all moments are HIS, that 'all is grace', and deserves a spirit of thankfulness from us; to a God who is present, in control and deeply desires an audience with us.

that out of all of life's moments, we are to have a posture of thankfulness, Ann calls it Eucharisteo.
and ALL, means all.

that we are to approach the day, each moment with a spirit of thankfulness.
without selfish ambition.
that we are to accept what HE gives, in THAT VERY MOMENT, and offer thanks.
we are to die to self. die to expectations. um, hello....

this is such a challenge for me.
i figure i am not alone that it requires the transcendent grace of jesus to offer thanks in all moments, and die to what i expected it would look like, or be.

for us in this season ::
waiting on a house to sell.
a baby to arrive.
when the laundry is piled beside my bed, for days.
when the sink is full of dirty dishes.
tinys are screaming.
or spitting. or throwing toys. or drawing on my couch. or complaining about dinner.
or sticking out their tongue.
or my phone rings for another showing in the midst of ALL this going on.
to offer thanks for every part of it.

its not often that in my extreme God given personality i have room for GRACE for much.
or patience for that matter. I love that God has made me passionate and with ferocity for just about everything in my life. my emotions are transparent. i have always have had difficulty masking my true feelings for things.  but he allows me to fall flat on my face in all my selfish ambition so that i can truly sit at the foot of the cross, fully surrendered, understanding that its Him who deserves my passion and fierce-ness. its His timing i am to be patient for. its His grace that covers me.

but like most, I have a tendency to loose perspective. react emotionally. respond from that heart i wear on my sleeve. not to mention the hormonal-train-wreck-like status of my mental state. we'll blame that part of the baby my body is harboring.

there have been so many moments over the last 9+ months that God has revealed Himself . i have read books. had quiet moments. divine appointments
and
i am so comforted that it is all orchestrated by Him.
that i can release the notion and lie that i was ever in control and rest.

in my study time, God has continued to bring me back to the story of the Israelites in the Wilderness Moses crying out to God. and God hears him and rains down manna.
For the first 6 days, they were only to gather what they needed, no more.
they weren't to hoard.
no leftovers
no planning ahead
no prepping for the following day

i am not really planner. i am a bit more spontaneous.
doesn't mean i don't love routine. sometimes routine gives peace.

but i love the free-flow of life. i love suprises. things unexpected.
i find more peace there than in the predictability of things.

however : when i comes to surrendering the EXPECTATIONS of what I WOULD like to happen or think should happen that is a different story. i become an emotional 'hoarder'.
i want things to work out they way I think is best.
so this is where the manna comes back to my season of life. . .

i truly believe the waiting. the silence. the wonder of the pause of movement in our life has NOT been by mistake. the fruit of truly understanding what it looks like to approach the throne unselfishly, with no more than a desire to offer thanks and worship.
to praise for the silent 'pregnant' pause.
to accept only what God offers in THIS moment. nothing more.
to offer praise that only HE knows the timing of our house selling.
that the fruit of our heart has far greater value than our physical dwelling or destination.

i understand His manna for me.
its to wholly trust, offer thanks and rest in each moment.
the sweet ones, and tough ones.
its been to let go of my desire to have an answer.
its been
to offer thanks for not answering.
to praise the showing after showing after showing that comes back NO, because it gives us another opportunity to trust His timing.
its now to trust His timing in the arrival of our new tiny.
if i truly turst Him, then I am peaceful.
I am capable of patience.
I am capable of grace.
I am capable of offering thanks :: with no strings attached.
and I am capable only because of Christ.

so, we wait.
we wait for baby. we wait for his timing.
and in the meantime.
i am thankful. for another moment to offer my thanks for His manna.

the pounding

so this isn't a fun, full of photos blog post....

this summer was really stressful to say the least. lots of change, possible change, curiosity, wonder, moments of crazed(hormonal)(pregnant) tearful conversations, then peace would settle, then we'd cycle back thru everything.....still leaving me hormonal and pregnant as we enter fall but more balanced in my expectations.

would love to know why it always comes back to that. i will speak for myself, but the roughest moments in my day or week are when i thought it was 'just supposed to be different'. there are no set rules or lists to follow, no one coming behind me to check my work, no demerit if i get it wrong, i say i have grace to fail, but do i really?

if you're a close friend then in the last year i am sure i have turned your ear about our dinner-time struggles...mostly with Liam. At one stage or another, no particular time or season the tinys LOVE to protest food. so we've gotten creative. blog post to follow on how!! but its beginning to change and even though they don't know it; we're winning, peace is slowly creeping back around our dinner table! :: well, let's be honest, a reasonable amount of peace that's possible with 3 tinys 6 1/2 and under...and a pregnant mama!!!

big(ger) stuff

Liam boy started school today!!

In the spring we were registered for one school..then thinking we were moving i pulled his application...well, we're still here.

so about a month ago i took a gamble and called a new preschool to see if there were any openings.....i was so surprised and grateful there was room!!

its a little bit of a different environment, still lots of fun and learning, a little more jesus and structure that I think will be great to get him prepared for Kindergarten next year (sniff).

he's only going 3 days this year, which i am really excited about...Lillian went 3 days the year before she started K. and in hindsight i am SO glad. her transition to 5 full days away was really hard last year. I am glad we had those extra days each week. its a HUGE jump to their time away . . and has flown by. and Liam is so genuinely excited about our being around when baby sister arrives!!

we are entering a really amazing stage with Liam...4yrs old is so much fun! our tinys are a bit crazy from 2 1/2 to 3 1/2; full of drama and intensity and passion. Its not that it dissipates when we cross the 3 1/2yr threshold...they are just better equipped to mange their ferocity!

i love this boy. i love his intensity and confidence in all his 4 yr old self. he's become quite the train-lover lately. he still wants to be a garbage man...but says he will take his trains to work with him. he told me a few weeks ago that when he grew up to be a garbage man he would stop by and pick up my trash and come in for lunch...and we would have peanut butter... i said that would be perfect!!

he was so proud of his new 'pack-pack' that his yaya bought him...

i was worried about how tiny would do today without Liam around...at his teacher meet and greet she pretty much waved good-bye...but she actually was great...she keeps talking about how she is gonna be helping with our new baby!!

love this boy and all his 'little-man-ness'.

full circle!

i know that every year they start school will feel like another huge milestone.

and i will cry. its that slow release of the 'faux' control i think i have...

its the baby steps of letting go and fully trusting God's got their back, and mine!

I am grateful i don't have to send her to college yet..or marry her off yet. that we are still considered 'new' at this. we really only have 6 1/2 years at this parenting gig....

our greatest challenge in parenting lately, well besides being insanely outnumbered, is having 3, while close together; in totally different emotional, physical developmental stages. while most of our 'physical' parenting years are behind us with Lillian...we have stepped full on into our 'emotional' phase of parenting her. still allowing her moments of safe reliance on us while beginning to figure out who she is on her own, asserting her independence, making decisions, trusting herself all while helping guide and shape her heart! i am convinced that we'll look back on the first handful of years as 'easy' compared to what lies ahead in helping our tiny's hearts navigate a crazy world.

she rides the bus home from school every day!! which has been so fun to watch her blond self bounce down the sidewalk towards us! so far we've had a great start to the year!!

watching our biggest girl head off for first grade allowed me a full circle life moment.

one i felt old.

like where has it gone?

i remember first grade...

how can i be married 10yrs and expecting our 4th baby...and those who've paved the way before us in this journey say...just hold tight....it only starts to go by faster.

for now, i am hitting pause. on this sweet face!!

Lucy's bday!!! 3yrs old!!

these eyes are so full of life.

i will never forget the nurse saying the moment she was born how amazing her eyes were. curious and serious and sensitive.

It's been a surprise to us as to how young, 3yrs old feels.

i remember with Lillian, 3 felt so grown up. but when there are two tinys in front of her you realize how full of baby she still is.

Lucy has this still small, sweet voice that somehow over the next year will start to sound more big-girl. she still says words wrong and calls her brother 'Mi-um'. she has the loudest cry that our neighbors get to hear from the top step of our front porch.

there is no leavin this one behind. she is a typical third in that she has no fear. jumps in, all out! she wants to be in on what's happening.

she breaks the mold with the laid-back tendency of a third....i am sure most of that has to do with a brother that's only 14 1/2 months older than her....

she gets us laughing at the dinner table. from crazy eyes to the random quotables!

last night it was that God was speaking to her, saying 'I love you Lucy!' we asked what else he said ..."he wants some ice cream!"

today it was that she had bees in her stomach.

i love that she still sucks her thumb, has a shredded 'silky' that goes everywhere with us, and loves her babydoll to bits!!

there are sweet distinctive personalities between all the tinys, but they are also so similar.

they share passion and strong will which i will continue to say is a God-given strength. It is a challenge to parent thru and direct, but we know that it will add to who they are being shaped into and be one of their greatest qualities!!

Lucy's not going to school this fall . . . 7 or so weeks from now she will be my biggest helper when her baby sister arrives! All other tinys have been home with a sibling and we couldn't be more excited about her sharing this!

her birthday this year was really simple. no big party. just family. we were blessed

lillian and liam started this thing at the beginning of this summer where she sits on the back of his big wheel as he tears down the street, of course he spins out and sees if he can throw her off!!

sweet lillibug .

its such a blessing to watch my girls together. i didn't grow up with a sister...so i really never thought i would have more than one girl..weird..i know...but i just thought i would have one, then a couple of boys...well, nope.

come late october we'll have 3 girls and one lone wolf...

i have loved a front row seat to their relationship. the distance between all 3 of them will almost be exactly the same. help.me.jesus when they are all teenagers...we are already having drama-fest arguments over clothes, hair and shoes...

lucy and her new pink tricycle!!!!

cupcake face!!!

these two are already asking when baby sister can start sharing a room with them...i am quick to remind them that babies cry a lot...nevermind that she's also not here yet!!

andy's mom and dad came for the weekend to celebrate tiny's bday! and we went to jetton park while we had an afternoon house showing.....

my little explorer. with a girl first, the whole boy thing is like having another first child. there is so much that's different. not a whole lot of sitting..a lot of jumping, bouncing, running, chasing, wrestling and curiosity. learning to encourage and trust and let go while not 'hovering' or 'helicoptering' is a delicate balance...especially around water!!

disney world!!!

When we found out we were headed to Florida, andy and i had this moment in the car where we exchanged a look :: "you know while we're in florida we should go to . . . " nuf said..

we realized that we would just be a couple hours from disney and with the tinys in the backseat and our oldest knowing how to read; we had to talk in code...(its a sad day when you can't spell out your conversations anymore)

so the schemeing began. . . and 'operation tiny' was born!!

we've been once before with a tiny, Lillian, in early summer 2008.

Liam was about to turn one and i was 30 weeks pregnant with Lucy...so we left the boy here and just took her. . we went with some best friends...and to this day Lillian has said it was the BEST day of her life!!! right before we left i had just started our family blog!! you can read the posts about disney that year HERE and HERE!!

so yes this meant going to Disney at peak season, 4th of July week, pregnant again...

and this time with 3 tinys!!! praise jesus for double strollers!!

so we left for the beach, still no mention of 'operation tiny'

we had two full beach days and got up at 5am on Wednesday, July 6th.

we told them we were headed to breakfast.

i knew that as we got onto interstate 4 headed into Orlando we would see signs for Disney and we couldn't get away with our oldest not figuring it out..so right outside of Daytona we hopped off for bfast and told them!!

we weren't sure how the younger two would respond...they have no idea what disney world is...

but Lillian's reaction was priceless

we had a strategy going in : where we would start...which fast pass to get first...

we knew we would only be there for one day, so we had to make the most of it.

we packed one bag with kids nalgenes, powder gatorade, luna bars, a change of clothes for tiny cause she HATES to be wet...baby wipes & camera.

we chose NOT to do character meet 'n greets. most of them were in full sun and there was no way the tinys were gonna last in the heat.

so we waved at buz lightyear, woody and jesse. we waved at rapunzel and mickey & goofy. we didn't do mid day parades and camp out for the prime spot...it was just WAY TOO HOT.

we did however do EVERY ride!!!

we laughed and played and ate ice cream, i teared up and cried again as we were watching fireworks..call it fatigue or overwhelmed or pregnancy hormones :: but watching my tinys imagination and curiosity come to life is so much fun. i fell into the predictable category of sappy....

we didn't have a simple compliant or 'i'm hot' or 'im tired'. our first meltdown of the day was at 10pm, right before the fireworks started..and at that point i was wiped out too!!

so if you're still reading. i am uber-impressed! lol

it was such a fun day....i do however look forward to NOT ever being pregnant again while visiting Disney World!!

now brace yourself for the amount of photos!!!

pure excitement that we're actually at disney!!!

liam's most favorite part of our whole day!!

riding the steam engine!!!
mommy am i really gonna ride that!!??

crazy that actually all 3 of them were tall enough to ride splash mtn!!

sweaty nap time!!

its a small world!!!



we loved the 'people mover'!!

hot, sweaty but so so happy!!!

we climbed to the top of the swiss family robinson house!!!

and then back down!!!
belly evidence : thankfully this time, i didn't get asked if i were going to give birth at Disney!

riding the jungle cruise!

even though lillian is out of focus, i love the absolute fatigue on Lucy's face!!
my sweet lillibug!!
'dat's loud mommy' :: steam engine blowing its whistle!!!

Lillian's eyes amaze me!
we did catch the tail end of the 'celebrate' parade....

Liam was the only one awake as we left the park at midnight. we stopped right on the street corner as the light parade was passing ...cinderella made eye contact with Liam and blew him a kiss. he covered his mouth with both hands and said "mommy, she just made me a prince!!" if you ask him about it now he just about blushes!!




lillian make a pirate face!! 'arggghhhh'

this definetly goes down as one of our most fun family memories!!!

ps, they are already talking about when we go back :: when tiny #4 turns 3 . . .